A Year Later

Here I am... entering my mid to late thirties and a year into my retirement! My order loving brain likes the five years (30/35/40), and I like that I'm right here in the middle of my thirties. I've loved my thirties. My first (half) decade as a mom, the first decade that I haven't been a student of any sort, and the decade in which I got to be a professor. Not that I regret or wish away any of my twenties or before because those decades also brought me good family relationships, wonderful friends, great education, three higher education degrees, my husband, and our first house. But I'm so happy to be here.

On turning 35, Annie Downs says: "I want my life. It isn't perfect. But I'm excited to have MY life, the ups and downs." And that's how I feel. This isn't exactly how I thought my life would look, but I think every step that brought me here means that this is where I was meant to be at this point. Five years ago, I rang in my 30th birthday with a surprise party thrown by my sister and husband and then a trip to Thailand. Turns out, I was over a month pregnant with our first baby boy, but I didn't find out for another few weeks, so there's not really a way that any birthday can beat that one! Birthdays since then have been a little quieter with two boys and a pandemic in the mix, but they've still been very sweet and celebratory.

My thirties also marked my time as a professor at Olivet, although I technically started there at age 29. My husband was describing my career trajectory the other day, and he said my work at Olivet was my "dream job," and I realized he was right. I loved that work. I loved getting to interact with students and learn from my colleagues and mentors and better the university as a whole through new initiatives and changes. I liked hearing my students' thoughts and reading their words and helping them to express both more clearly, creatively, and concretely. There were difficulties of course, like the year of commuting between states, the realities of online education, and supporting students without close proximity, but there are always trade offs.

I thought that the first fall and the first beginning of the school year after I finished teaching would be the hardest, but it honestly passed by without a blip... and then came the spring and the end of the school year, and that's when I felt sad. I missed celebrating the end of the year with the department. I missed the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a year of hard work. I missed the transition from school to summer and the excitement of those days off. I felt the loss of Dr. Belcher, along with feeling sad about no longer working, because these losses always bring up hints of grief of what we have all lost in a mentor and friend in Dr. B. and formative she was in my even being a professor at Olivet in the first place.

Even given all that, I have no regrets. The five years I spent as a professor at Olivet were wonderful, and now the year home with my boys has also been wonderful. I blogged about the first half of the year here, and our winter and spring were just as eventful and full of time with family and friends. We had a lovely Christmas at home, and then I celebrated my 35th birthday with lovely girlfriends and family at the end of January.

Once February came, we were busy 1) moving and settling into a new house, 2) preparing our old house to go up for sale, 3) getting ready to go to Europe and flying there with two young boys, and 4) trying to keep everyone healthy and happy.

We've now been in our house for almost four months, and we're loving it. The space, the trees, the pools, the rooms, the location... it's all pretty great. We weren't looking to move, and I was sad to leave our old house and community that we brought our babies home to, but we've settled in well to this new space, and the boys love it.

We also loved our time in Europe. What a gift to be able to take our two little boys over the ocean and show them people and places and traditions in different parts of the world. We stayed in the Algarve Coast in Portugal and then in the mountains of Malaga in Spain. We had our fair share of sickness throughout the trip, but also so much wonderful food, laughter, and memories that will truly last a lifetime. Waking up to the views of some of the most beautiful beaches in the world and then driving through the mountains of Spain are a privilege that I do not take lightly. The boys really enjoyed the trip, and we've talked about it so much since we've been home.

We've had lots of other moments of highs and lows over the last several months, but mostly I am just very grateful. Grateful for where I've been, where I am now, and where I'm going. Sometimes the unknown is a little bit scary, but when I look back and begin to count my blessings, I almost can't believe the grace that I've already experienced and that I trust will carry me forward. What a gift to have been able to pour into my students and what a gift to now be able to give that energy to my boys. I don't take a day for granted because they are some of the best.